How to Self Regulate
What is Self Regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to manage one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors when feeling anxious, angry, overwhelmed, or emotionally elevated in any unhelpful way. Emotional Distress activates the Fight/Flight/Freeze response and sends our brain and body into autopilot, saying and doing things that are not reflective of who we are.
Signs of Emotional Distress
PHYSICAL CHANGES
During periods of Emotional Distress, our body does not feel “safe” and activates the Fight/Flight/Freeze response. Physical changes are the easiest thing to notice during emotional distress. Common physical changes include:
Increased Heart Rate
Fast & Shallow Breathing
Muscle Tension
Sweating
Cold Feet or Hands
Shaking or Trembling
Nausea or Upset Stomach
Dizziness or Lightheadedness
BEHAVIORAL CHANGES
Verbal Behaviors
Shouting or Raised Voice
Defensiveness
Sarcasm
Accusations
Criticism
Condescending Language
Threats
Interruptions
Silent Treatment
Physical Behaviors
Fidgeting
Pacing
Avoiding Eye Contact
Freezing
Avoidance
Withdrawal
Physical Altercation
Dissociation
Self Regulation Skills
Self Regulation Skills focus on disrupting the Fight/Flight/Freeze response. The following techniques help our body realize that we are “safe” and return to a state of calm. Breathing exercises and Muscle relaxation can be done anytime, anywhere without anyone having to know.
***Remember: Emotional Distress floods our body with stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. The effects can last up to 30 minutes but subsides quicker when we engage in self soothing practices. Be realisitc about how long you will feel distress and give yourself 5-10 minutes to simmer down.
1) Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises are the quickest way to remind your brain that you are “safe” while in a state of distress. This is done simply by slowing down the heart rate and providing more oxygen to the brain & body.
Technique 1: Box Breathing (Simplest Approach)
Inhale 4 counts
Hold 4 counts
Exhale 4 counts
Technique 2: 4-7-8 Breathing (Believed to promote deeper state of relaxation)
Inhale 4 counts
Hold breath 7 counts
Exhale 8 counts
Technique 3: Alternate Nostril Breathing
Inhale deeply through left nostril
Close left nostril and exhale through right nostril
Inhale deeply through right nostril
Close right nostril and exhale through left nostril
2) Muscle Relaxation
Technique 1: Body Scan
Body Scan is an exercise that reduces tension in your body by having you slowly relax each muscle.
Start at the top of your head and work your way to your feet, checking in with each muscle group and releasing any tension you notice.
Release any tension in your forehead, eyes, cheeks, and jaw.
Release any tension in your neck. Drop your shoulders away from your ears.
Let your arms dangle. Relax your wrists and fingers.
Release any tension in your chest & stomach.
Release any tension in your upper and lower back.
Release any tension in your hips, butt & sphincter. Release any tension in your thighs, knees, and calves. Release your knees if locked.
Release any tension in your Feet.
Take a moment to notice your entire body as a whole. Is there any place where you are still holding tension?
Repeat as necessary.
Technique 2: Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation is an exercise that reduces stress and anxiety in your body by having you slowly tense and then relax each muscle.
Curl your toes and the arch of your foot. Hold and release.
Tense the muscles in your calves. Hold and release.
Tense the muscles of your upper leg and pelvis. Hold and release.
Tense your stomach and chest. You can do this by sucking your stomach in. Hold and release.
Tense the muscles in your back by bringing your shoulders together behind you holding tightly. Hold and release.
Tense your arms all the way from your hands to your shoulders. Make a fist and squeeze all the way up your arm. Hold and release.
Tense your face and your neck by distorting the muscles around your eyes and mouth. Hold and release.
Allow your whole body to go limp. Pay attention to the feeling of relaxation, and how different it is from the feeling of tension.
Finally, tense your entire body. Tense your feet, legs, stomach, chest, arms, head, and neck. Tense harder, without straining. Hold and release.
Repeat as necessary.
3) Tapping
Tapping is a technique that combines psychology and acupressure. It involves gently tapping your fingers on a specific set of points on the body to send calming signals to the brain, helping you relax.
4) Temporarily Exit Environment
When we can leave, taking a break from the situation allows us time to process, calm down, and prevent escalation.
Ex) step outside for 5 minutes, walk into another room, etc
Grounding Techniques for Dissociation
Dissociation exists on a spectrum but generally involves physically & mentally “freezing” out of fear that the current situation is dangerous and doing anything can make it worse. It is an automatic response that we can't prevent but can start to limit the impact of. Breaking out of the Freeze Response is fairly simple and requires us to reboot our brain and body to reconnect to the present moment. There might be a fear of judgment for using interventions that are visible to people around us, but the dissociation is often just as visible. If comfortable, it can be helpful to inform our partner, friend, parent, etc that we have recognized that we shut down automatically when feeling emotionally overwhelmed and are taking steps to address the response to remain present in the moment.
Physical Reboot
Physical interventions will focus on addressing the tension and stiffness in your body.
1) Simplest Approaches
Stand up & walk around while taking deep breaths
“Shake it off.” Shake your body including arms, hands, shoulders, neck, legs, feet
2) Body Awareness Technique
Take 5 long deep breaths
Wiggle & curl your toes
Stomp your feet on the ground several times
Clench your hands into fists 10 times
Press palms together hard for 15 seconds
Rub palms together quickly
Reach hands over head and stretch to sky for 10 seconds
Mental Reboot
Mental interventions will focus on bringing your attention back to the present moment.
Remember, your mind and body are responding to a threat to keep you safe. Don't be afraid to tell yourself that you are safe, you are okay, there is no danger, there are no threats.
1) Simplest Approaches
Remind yourself that you are safe. Remember, your mind and body are responding to a threat to keep you safe. Don't be afraid to tell yourself that you are safe, you are okay, there is no danger, there are no threats.
Talk. Talk about anything. Just get the wheels in your mind spinning again
Sing a song
2) 5-4-3-2-1 Technique
This technique involves purposefully taking in the details of your surroundings using each of your senses.
What are 5 things you can see?
What are 4 things you can feel? Clothing, chair, sun, etc
What are 3 things you can hear? Traffic, clock, wind
What are 2 things you can smell? Candle, etc
What is 1 thing you can taste? Carry gum, candy, or small snacks for this step. Pop one in your mouth and focus your attention closely on the flavors.